Whose time and frame of mind?

There are days when I seem to be able to fly. Like I've temporarily been given wings. I've got a great husband, home, relationship with my family, etc. Life is beautiful. Then.... Then there are days like today. Like the wind has intentionally been taking out of my wings, if I ever really had any. My life: roller coaster.

Every day I can't help but think that I'm wasting MY time. MY days are wasted sitting at a desk, doing a job that isn't my passion (don't get me wrong -I'm VERY thankful to be able to support my husband through school. VERY THANKFUL. I am also thankful that I like the people that I work with!). But -it is truly a struggle for me. I take my time getting ready hoping that maybe there will be a freak snow storm (even though it's bright, sunny, and VERY cold) and I won't have to go and can, instead, spend the day planning my Kindermusik lessons, cleaning, and cooking. HAHA!

Very rarely do I think that I'm maybe learning a lesson that God needs me to learn. Humility and patience come to mind.... Wonder why.... Instead, I focus only on MY time and MY frame of mind. If I am upset, the world seems to be ending when in totally truth, I'm experiencing a life lesson (darn those!). When I feel the most frustrated (like I do right this very minute...steam is rolling out of my ears and nose...and fingernails, and eyebrows....) everything seems to be about me instead of about the journey. Instead of thinking about where I am, why I am there, and what I need to be doing, I think about what I cannot be doing. It's completely retroactive, but I cannot seem to NOT do it. The most disappointing part of the whole situation, is that we (as a species) seem to take our hardest emotions (fear, shame, anger, sadness, the list continues) out on our most favorite people. My favorite person is Michael and Lord only knows that God's already saving him a special spot in Heaven! :)

I can no longer deny that it is not MY time. It is not MY frame of mind to deny. I was given a purpose and a mission, and a beautiful life. I am not wasting MY time...I'm wasting my Creator's. Somewhat cheesy but -when you are given another day with the person you love, sure. I'll make a cheesy statement. Why be selfish and ungrateful. I have been given _______ (fill in the blank with the innumerable things...).


Briana to self: "SHUT UP, get over it, and move on."


pāx.
"La vita è bella"