March 20, 2014
Living Like No One Else
TMV and I just finished taking Financial Peace University, and I can honestly say that it has changed the way we live for the better. Usually when people talk about FPU, they're referring to money. I, however, am not. Well, mostly.
Dave's class teaches us many things, but the message that is swirling in my mind is the desire to "live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else." Of course he means financially. Save now and pay off debt (or don't even go into it...), so that later you can enjoy the life God has given you and GIVE to others. At this point in time, that message means something different to me.
Right now, I need to live like no one else in the sense that I need to be selfish with my time -taking the time I NEED to work on myself and my relationships. Working on the really hard and real parts of myself that trouble me, so that later I can live the life I have prayed for (should that be in God's plan). Maybe this means being able to have a family of 6, or running my business in an ethical and fair way, or tackling the stress that has been running me down. I'm not sure, honestly.
But the message is clear. Take time now so that later, I can leave a legacy of love and devotion for future generations. Two weeks ago, this thought would have raised my stress level from orange to red but at the suggestion of my sister, I am undertaking a "rebranding" project. I am rebranding myself, focusing on all of the wonderful things I already am and working out the kinks of things I don't want to be, or want to work towards. Mostly this just involves positive thinking, but there are times when a well intended interruption causes distress or my patience falls blessedly short. We're all human, but I am working towards the better version of myself. And I think that this is just one single step towards tackling my stress addiction.
Baby steps. Because after all, didn't God design us to crawl before we can run?
Peace,
B.
March 5, 2014
Lent: Day 1
I promised myself, not to mention that I also promised God, that I would give up stress for Lent. As a valuable sacrifice to him -a way to make myself more in his likeness or to become a better servant, but also as a sacrifice to myself -the demolition of a disgusting coping crutch. A crutch that causes heart burn, the inability to sleep at night, paralyzer of communication and motivation. Yes -I want to get rid of the nasty thing. And the desire alone has created a deeper sense of awareness, showing me how truly volatile stress is to my body and mind. For example....
Yesterday, I found myself looking at a comprehensive health analysis done by a doc that specializes in restorative health. For years, I've felt awful pretty much every day. Some days it's been emotional, and some days it's been physical. Not surprisingly, the analysis told me I was in pretty bad shape. The surprising news is that I have dairy and gluten allergies, and difficulties processing meat protein leading to the suggestion that I become a vegetarian who occasionally eats chicken. It may not come as a surprise to you to know that I immediately declared that I was dying, being completely overwhelmed by the largesse and gravity of the lifestyle changes that lay before me. Instantaneously, I had a headache and the nasty desire to pick a fight.
You see, the women in my family don't shy away from confrontation...even when there isn't any. Mountains out of mole hills, the lot of us.
But -adversely, these things like headaches and unreasonable aggression aren't side effects of genetics (at least, I don't believe so in my circumstance). They're side effects of stress.
So after a pep talk from the Mommah (read: a failed attempt at being a drama queen), some crying, and some poorly managed coping on my behalf, I had a plan, groceries that won't make me puff up or feel bad, and a new perspective (in which I am Lizzy in P&P and real life is Mr. Darcy...). But -that's a story for a different day.
So on Lent: Day 1, I promise to myself to take action in STOPPING stress.
-xo-
Yesterday, I found myself looking at a comprehensive health analysis done by a doc that specializes in restorative health. For years, I've felt awful pretty much every day. Some days it's been emotional, and some days it's been physical. Not surprisingly, the analysis told me I was in pretty bad shape. The surprising news is that I have dairy and gluten allergies, and difficulties processing meat protein leading to the suggestion that I become a vegetarian who occasionally eats chicken. It may not come as a surprise to you to know that I immediately declared that I was dying, being completely overwhelmed by the largesse and gravity of the lifestyle changes that lay before me. Instantaneously, I had a headache and the nasty desire to pick a fight.
You see, the women in my family don't shy away from confrontation...even when there isn't any. Mountains out of mole hills, the lot of us.
But -adversely, these things like headaches and unreasonable aggression aren't side effects of genetics (at least, I don't believe so in my circumstance). They're side effects of stress.
So after a pep talk from the Mommah (read: a failed attempt at being a drama queen), some crying, and some poorly managed coping on my behalf, I had a plan, groceries that won't make me puff up or feel bad, and a new perspective (in which I am Lizzy in P&P and real life is Mr. Darcy...). But -that's a story for a different day.
So on Lent: Day 1, I promise to myself to take action in STOPPING stress.
-xo-
February 25, 2014
Time-Out!
My head is swimming. It's almost 11pm, and after a full (yet VERY) rewarding day, I'm finding that I'm much to wound up to go to bed. So I'm calling a "time-out" for myself. No -I'm not going to sit in my "time-out chair", but I think I need to hit the freeze button for just a moment. All of the thoughts running through my brain include, but are not limited to: music therapy treatment panning, music therapy documentation, business marketing for my music therapy practice, lessons materials for my adaptive music lessons, theology (because my incredible young adult group meets over beer and inevitably dinner...), homeschooling, and because my thought path from homeschooling always leads to...children. Now that those thoughts are out, perhaps they'll leave me in peace for a bit?
One friend at "pints and prayers" brought up the question, "if you work at church all day, does Sunday represent work or church?" After a few beats of silence, those who worked at and in church responded thoughtfully, but my brain was churning. For me, this is an question of intentionality. From my perspective, when I seem to live every second of my work day in intentionality, how do I walk away from it (especially at 11:00 at night)? And -as a musician, do I find the intentionality of making music for music's sake helpful?
Obviously the answers to these questions aren't easy, or I'd probably be telling you what my answers happen to be.
At this moment in time, in my place in the universe, this boils down to one simple, yet oh-so-hard-to-implement phrase: you are only human, and that's ok.
Maybe giving ourselves permission to be human is what we need to hear. Or to understand that it's alright to live our lives with the permission to "come as you are"? As a phrase I've used and heard frequently as of late, it's taking hold in my heart. I feel like I say to families all the time that we're all people, and just because your person struggles with "x" doesn't mean that they're (fill in the blank with something frustrating).
So...why not me (or us) too? I'm struggling with "x", and that means that I'm human (read probably tired, overworked, under paid {heh -business owner joke}, and way over stressed with probably a hint of anxiety thrown in...).
And those things -they're ok because I come as I am to the space that I need.
So here's a time-out for me. To breathe in and back out, and to just be human. Perhaps next, I'll consider looking at some peaceful scenery. But -not there yet. Just focusing on the in and out of peace.
Pax,
One friend at "pints and prayers" brought up the question, "if you work at church all day, does Sunday represent work or church?" After a few beats of silence, those who worked at and in church responded thoughtfully, but my brain was churning. For me, this is an question of intentionality. From my perspective, when I seem to live every second of my work day in intentionality, how do I walk away from it (especially at 11:00 at night)? And -as a musician, do I find the intentionality of making music for music's sake helpful?
Obviously the answers to these questions aren't easy, or I'd probably be telling you what my answers happen to be.
At this moment in time, in my place in the universe, this boils down to one simple, yet oh-so-hard-to-implement phrase: you are only human, and that's ok.
Maybe giving ourselves permission to be human is what we need to hear. Or to understand that it's alright to live our lives with the permission to "come as you are"? As a phrase I've used and heard frequently as of late, it's taking hold in my heart. I feel like I say to families all the time that we're all people, and just because your person struggles with "x" doesn't mean that they're (fill in the blank with something frustrating).
So...why not me (or us) too? I'm struggling with "x", and that means that I'm human (read probably tired, overworked, under paid {heh -business owner joke}, and way over stressed with probably a hint of anxiety thrown in...).
And those things -they're ok because I come as I am to the space that I need.
So here's a time-out for me. To breathe in and back out, and to just be human. Perhaps next, I'll consider looking at some peaceful scenery. But -not there yet. Just focusing on the in and out of peace.
Pax,
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