Life's Challanges...

My whole life, I've tried SO hard to be so many things.  It started with wanting to be cool, then progressed to not wanting to be fat (something I think I'll mentally be for the rest of my life), then wanting to be popular, then to wanting to be the best, all while wanting to be liked and be pretty (Validation is exhausting -I wouldn't recommend it).  It's been very hard for me to think about this -no one wants to think of themselves as being anything but who they are, right?  *sigh*  I've been who I am, just in various different ways that are found to be socially acceptable (insert weak validation line there... haha).

Well -enough of that!  Here's the scoop!  I'm going to let you in on my secret.  Are you ready?

Nooo.....  I'm pretty sure you're NOT ready, but I am.  So here goes!  Theodore Roosevelt has inspired me, or rather, I have found Theodore saying what I'm saying in a much more eloquent way (go figure... he was raised to speak proper English...).  He says, "Do WHAT you can, WHERE you are, with what you HAVE."  So as for me? -I'm going to do what I can, where I am, with what I have. 

Here's the breakdown (including, but NOT limited to the following):
What I can do: choose to be happy, create, home-make, bake, throw parties, enjoy my family, and pray for the strength to be a good life partner.
Where:  Well -I'm still working on that part.  I'm new here, I'm still trying to figure things out!  I've got explorer's champagne taste on a "wish I had beer" kind of budget.  hehe -I don't like beer.
What I have: a loving husband and family, two healthy fuzz-faces, a beautiful and safe home, evenings to do with how I choose, weekends and weeknights full of music making, SEWING MACHINE (it's my BFF...)!, and the peace of prayer.

What about you?  ;)  I'd love to see what you guys think about when you read this quote!!

"Do what you can, where you are, with what you have"  ~Theodore Roosevelt~

Make New Friends....

Did you guys ever sing that song, "make new friends, but keep the old?"  I did -I think it was my mother's attempt to make me friendly!  I think she succeeded, except for those days when I'd really just rather not talk to anyone!  :o)  Anyway, one of my favorite blogs started a Friday party called New Friend Friday!  I think it's great, and would encourage you to do so too!  These ladies have LOTS of great ideas, and it's a fun way to make new friends.  You can find Diana at The Girl Creative.  She's really cool -web design, crafter, and mom! 

Hope you are having an awesome Friday!

These Things...They Take Time....

Be ready -here's another blog post where I talk about how awesome my husband is, and I offer a bold statement about myself.... ha!

I, as you all know, am an exceptionally impatient person (I feel as if I've posted this statement before....  Hmm...).  I mean -stomp the foot, shoot a little steam, have a little drama kind of impatient.  Not that this is bad (HAH!), it's just me.  *shrug*  Don't judge me!  haha.  In the last year, there have been very few things that have worked out the way I had hoped and prayed.  So few, I can count them on two or three fingers.  I sit every day thinking (lots of things -I know!  It has surprised me too!) about the message behind this.  What lessons am I learning through this process and why they must be so difficult.  The people in my life are so patient.  They wait it out, they don't fret (mostly...), they don't push the envelope.  They just wait it out.  I've often joked to everyone that it's the attitude of the trumpet player.  Our saying is, "Higher, faster, louder."  While I'm not any of those things (besides the louder part -hehe), I think that it speaks to my impatience.  I want to be the "highest" the "fastest" and the "loudest." 

This demand worked when I was in high school.  Who can't help but move over for a steam roller, you know?  My life = musical tunnel vision, which was so wonderful THEN.  Now, however, I am learning the tortoise's rule: Slow and steady wins the race.  Slow and steady, hmm....  Nope -NOT in my vocabulary.  I can't help but smile, though, when I think about my husband.  Yes, I realize that I talk about him ALL the time, but that's because he's the most important person/thing in my life so he's what I focus on -sorry if your gag reflex is kicking in!  He just had a marvelous opportunity!!  I am hoping that this is finally his "bone."  That something great is finally going to happen for him -you know me -I'm SOOO excited.

So I ask him how he feels about it.  He says, "I had fun.  They were great kids, so we'll see.  (I could her him shrug here...)  Maybe it will be something, maybe it won't, but it was a great experience."  Here -que Briana writhing in dramatic agony!  I mean, c'mon!!  That's all I get?  Just another big question mark?  *sigh*  So as I'm falling asleep, I'm churhing this in my brain (it's really been getting a workout), and I thought, "you know what -these things...the important things... they really take their time."  Life is like a good wine.  You need to give it flavor, and a sense of wisdom in order for it to be satisfactory (unless you're allergic to wine and TOTALLY uncool like Jenny! :o)  Eeps!!!! ).  I thought, "huh -another day, another piece of wisdom obtained from my husband."


So for those of you too ready -too eager, who are pushing, and tearing, and stomping, and causing yourselves lots of personal drama (I'm talking mostly to myself here....), these great things in life, they take time.  So take a step back, enjoy your scenery, and eat some cheese and drink some wine!

Jeaux Spring!

Okay -so, I really don't know the French word for Spring!, so that was my best attempt.  I'm not curious enough to Google it.  After a whirlwind weekend, and then two days spent on the couch, the sun is shining and I'm sitting upright.  YAY!  Trust me -two days of vertigo = sad Briana, who has read a complete 400 pg. book.  OKAY -when I started this post yesterday, the sun was shining....  Now it's raining!  Boo!

Right -focus.  On to the point of this post.  I went to my in-laws house on Thursday evening, as part of our Pittsburgh adventure (shout out to Lanie Ree @ Life in the Pitts!!!).  It was so nice to not be at home!  It started as a mini-vacation, and I really liked staying up late, looking at pictures of my oh-so-handsome husband as a child.  There were some pictures in his album of him making this face -------------------------------------------------->
at the camera.  I see this all the time and it makes me giggle.  It covers all things from mischief to exasperation, and some other emotions I haven't quite pinned down yet.  He has a facial expression for so many things, and this is just one of the sweetest I LOVE from what I've seen of his childhood.  He also has moments like these (<------on the left...), where the Briana-fluence gets the best of him, and he just can't help but "strike a pose!"

I suppose all of this is to day that 1) vacations are nice; 2) my husband is fabulous, and 3) I'm excited that it's spring (ALL of my flowers are budding and sprouting!  YAY for not having a black thumb!).

Great Giveaway!

I found this fabulous new blog called

It started off as a crafting blog, but is becoming a great resource for me -the wife who does it all (or at least tries REALLY REALLY HARD!).  She's giving away a circuit machine (it's a nifty machine that cuts out letters, shapes, images, etc.) that you use for decorating and creating!  I LOVE it and am crossing my fingers.  :o)  Give her a visit at Women Who Do It All!

Secondly, she's promoting a blog that I really like.  The story is touching -a fabulous woman's journey through a 90 lb. weight loss, and her current lifestyle.  It's called Fitness For The Rest of Us.  This is inspirational for me -the girl who's struggled to not be "fat" since...umm...FOREVER.  :) 

Hope you're having an awesome day!

'Tis a Grrreat Day to be Irish

Today is such a great day to be Irish, and even a better one to be Catholic (in my opinion....)!  There is so much national pride for the Irish, and there is so much important historical context for the Catholic faith.  If you are under the impression that this holiday is one for you to wear beads, paint your face, wear barely any clothing, and drink WAY too much, you are VERY mistaken!  I did a little research, and discovered quite a lot about St. Patrick.  I have to admit -I'm a little shocked.  Just like with all "great saints," his past is littered with misfortune.  I'll sum it up for you because you could Google it if you REALLY wanted to know!  :)

St. Patrick's date of birth is questionable, being between 380-something to 420-something in Roman England (again, supposedly...).  I'd prefer not to put a solid date in the fears of being wrong -you all know how I feel about that!  He was stolen/sold into slavery (yet another questionable turn in the story) for a significant number of years, during which time was called upon by God to return to Ireland  to serve the new Christian converts and to spread the Good word.  He was accepted and hated (you know how Saints roll -hot AND cold all at the same time!), and within 200 years (which, of course, he didn't experience ALL 200 years) Ireland was converted to Christianity, a good bit due to Patrick's work.  He wasn't however, the first to bring Christianity to Ireland, as some suspect. 

My biggest interest was the HOW?  I mean -you come to a country and  start talking to people about a god they are somewhat unfamiliar with, with brand new traditions contradicting their pagan, druid pasts!  So how St. Patrick, how did you do it?  Well -I did some additional digging and found SOME answers.  Apparently the ancient Celts/Irishmen (and women...) worshiped their holidays with fire and their gods with the sun.  Knowing this, Patrick incorporated those into important Christian symbols.  The cross that is now associated with the Presbyterian church is called the Celtic Cross.  The circle around the center of the cross signifies the sun working hand-in-hand with the new concept of Christ.  So -they don't have to sacrifice everything, the sun remains an important symbol.  Secondly, Patrick incorporated large fires for Christian holidays.  This was also appealing because fires = feasting, and who can turn that down?  Patrick won over the nobles and the commoners and upset the druid priests with his merging of concepts.  Right or wrong, it was effective in his purpose. 

Because St. Patrick's day is during Holy Week, the suspension of meat-fasting has been historically suspended for this day of feasting and celebration.  Probably as it should for such a significant Saint, right?  He spread the word, why not celebrate in his honor?

I am not Catholic, and am MOST definitely NOT Irish, but I understand how COOL this holiday really is!  I hope you take a moment to thank St. Patrick before you have a beer in his honor!

Keep on!
B.

PS -the leprechauns....  Yeah, Walt Disney introduced that concept in the 1950's.  They're not even Irish....  SORRY!!!! :)

The Consolation Prize

I have been thinking for a couple of weeks (on a very regular basis) how awesome my dear husband is.  Now -before you roll your eyes and claim that I'm going mushy on you again, just hear me out!

Michael left this week for Pittsburgh.  This is the last session until Fall.  I'm really excited about him not leaving again until September.  Really, really happy!  But it's the same storyline every time he leaves to go.  I get sad, he gets excited, and we have our "last date" before his trip.  Usually this is us on the sofa watching Fox News (Don't hate!) and eating pizza.  Actually -he's watching, I'm reading, etc.  I'm sure you get the picture?  Yeah.  This time was a little different in that I had choir rehearsal until 9:30.  I was bummed about not having a real date, but he did take me to Subway (I'm really not that hard to please where food is concerned...) and we had a nice discussion on risk vs. debt.  Yep -that's my man.  A nice romantic dinner at Subway and a thrilling discussion about mortgages and debit.  You can tell that I'm just so pleased!  :)

I came dragging my feet home after choir.  It's exhausting to sing Bach AND Mozart in two types of Latin, and in German!  I had had my language fill for the day.  Michael, of course, was waiting at home, and had saved his packing so that I could visit with him and fall asleep while he packed.  You know -so that we'd be in the same general vicinity.  Again, I hate this time of small transitions.  I lose my husband for 3 weeks, and become an independent woman who enjoys sitting on the sofa, reading until her eyes cross, and tearing things apart and making them pretty.  I was sad he was leaving and he was eager to get to Pittsburgh.  I could tell he felt bad (he always does), leaving me behind to have his adventure, but I smiled and told him I was going to have fun with Saphira (har!  She likes to eat my shoes, and I like to yell at her.  FUN!!!), and that I had tons of stuff planed (this part is true!).

I was about to drift off to my happy place when he disappeared downstairs.  Thinking that was odd, I followed him.  I'm nosey, so even though I was almost asleep, I got out of bed to see what he was doing (again, don't judge!! hehe).  He was getting some water -bummer.  But as I was leaving to go back to my nice electrically heated bed he surprised me!  I was receiving a consolation prize of flowers!! 

This is very exciting because flowers are only for the MOST special of occasions (anniversaries, birthdays, and other important holidays).  Of course, I thought that I had forgotten something, but my sweet husband just shrugged and said, "nothing special, I just love you and wanted you to have something pretty because I love you."  *whistful sigh*

So sure *shrug* -my husband is gone for about 3 weeks, but hey! -I've got a consolation prize that makes our home smell like summer, and reminds me that how wonderful my spouse is.  Who can argue with that?

Arguing With a Grownup

I had a crazy weekend and a crazy story to tell you!  Did you guys have a good weekend?  It was warmer, the sun was shining, and everything was zooming by!  I'm glad that Spring is in its final descent because Winter makes me crazy.  I become a sloth -a Eskimo, cuddle-bug sloth.  *shrug*  Judge me if you will, but nothing is better than tea, a good book, and the sofa.  I'd prefer my husband there too, but *shrug*  I'll take what I can get!

Spring, though -it's all about moving and planting, and growing, and being outside!  Out with the cold, and IN with the blooms!!  I was so excited that I spent Saturday afternoon outside working on my ancient window.  I didn't get very far because it got cold....  But I get brownie points for getting it "everything-but".  This is one of the cool things about being a grown up.  You can (for the most part) determine my own schedule.  I can do ___________ at ____ o'clock, fold the laundry when I want, and walk around the house with curlers in my hair if I want to!  Being a grown up is awesome!

Oh wait....  It's awesome until you realize that your exciting day has been spent doing the laundry, cleaning the house, and de-cluttering.  When having an adventure with your spouse is the last thing on their "to-do" list, being trumped by school work and professional obligations.  Being a grown up isn't so awesome when you're doing it all by yourself.  When you look around your home and realize that it's full of junk and random bits of your life that are shoved into hiding spots when you have company.  Being a grown up is yucky!

This weekend flew by.  I'd like to say it was because I was hard at work, but I think most of it was because I was arguing with a grownup.  I picked a fight with my husband -yep, it's true!  I picked it, and I deserved the raking over the coals I got for it too (those of you who know me know how much I HATE being a) wrong and b) well...WRONG!  and know how much it probably deflated the happy B bubble!  It's okay -you can enjoy this moment...I'm okay with that!).  I realized that I thought I was a grown up.  You know -going through the steps, taking care of us, trying to cook, make our house nice, etc.  But -I was wrong.  Being a grown up includes so much more than that.  You need a sense of intrinsic motivation, you need an awareness of your others needs more than your own, you need to realize to ASK for help. 

Now, you're probably wondering how I've come to these realizations?  Well -this fight I picked?  It was about how trashy our house was looking.  Now -my husband LOVES LOVES LOVES his books.  I'm talkin' about massive piles of books on Philosophy, music, intonation, airplanes, soccer, OMGTONSOFBOOKS!  They are everywhere.  They have spread into the bedroom even into the dining room.  I really just can't take it and because I didn't ask him to help me de-clutter I got raked.  I started going nuts -packing books into boxes, and moving things upstairs with my husband looking on oogley eyed wondering what had possessed me. 

Long story short -we came to a compromise.  I had calmed down my crazy, and communicated to him that I needed PEACE in my home.  This = NO clutter.  So we determined that I needed to tell him what needed to be done, and he would try to look around and take note of the things that I would like to have done.  All in all, I grew up a little, and the argument with my grownup ended with cuddles on the couch and a good book (one that was put away after it's use!).


Keep on....

B.

Shine Down on Me

Have you ever heard the children's song, "Oh Mr. Sun"?  It was one of my favorites as a child, and when I'm enjoying a bright day, I subconsciously start humming it.  Maybe it's because I have memories of BOTH of my parents singing it to me?  It was the rare occasion that my father would sing, and that's still true to this day.  Maybe it's because he liked the way we squealed and giggled when he used his "flip her upside down and swing her around" trick.  It's much more effective in the giggle department.

Regardless of all of my nostalgia, as I was driving to work today I started hearing "Mr. Golden Sun" from somewhere...OH WAIT!  Surprise!  It was me.  I was happy (darn that happiness...it's so sneaky!)!  The sun was shining, the birds were flying about, and the crazy drivers were still cutting me off but in what seemed to be a more kind and loving way.

 Dear Mr. Sun,

Thanks for shining down on me.  It makes me feel happy!  How about you guys...happy yet???  :o)

Keep on.....

B.

I've Got You, Babe

As we grow older we start to see things from a different perspective.  It AMAZES me.  We think, as children, that the BEST people in the world are our parents and grandparents.  Then, as we grow older, our focus changes from our family to our friends, and we then believe that they are the most important (trust me -this is part of development (don't take offense that your 13 yr. old would rather be at the movies with her friends than be seen in public with you.  They grow out of that eventually!).  We believe that St. Nicholas is the BIGGEST thing since sliced bread, and that that bubbles and sand boxes are the coolest "toys" to play with.  Once we've moved past our adolescence and are into adulthood (which for some could be ever-lasting) things get all mangled and jumbled up.  We still love our families, that's not an issue, but what happens when they become...less important?....you have a spouse that becomes your number one?  Where does the spouse play their role in your new family? 

As a teenager, it used to frighten me that my daddy wouldn't be my super hero anymore and that my mum wouldn't be there to help me solve my problems and make me feel better.  Now, though, they're just grown-ups like I am, making choices for themselves (which they deserve!!!).  And my new super hero -well, he's pretty super!  You don't have to believe me, but you should!  It's easier than I thought it would be to have my immediate support system minimized to one person.  Sometimes he has a hard time, and rightfully so!  I'm a handful and he's still a student.  I try to share all of my Joy with him, and spare him the ups and downs, and when I can't he rubs my back and talks to me down so that I can understand a perspective that I didn't before.  For just the two of us we do pretty well!  The biggest struggle is when we're faced with opinions.  You know, the kind where you want to know what they think, but you're going to make YOUR choice?  Those REALLY tough ones.  *chuckle*  Ohhh myyy!!!

I'm from the kind of family that gives their opinions VERY freely, and most of the time, they don't really care if it hurts your feelings.  Even more rare is the time they take to listen to what you're saying before they decide how they feel about it.  It isn't a passing of judgment, but it's not allowing for your "Just give me the benefit of the doubt!" either.  But -with DH, he REALLY thinks about what he offers up and how he offers it.  He doesn't let me get away with anything, but he doesn't hurt my feelings either.  I really, really have a lot of respect for that.  Because of my family, and the influence of my ever-patient husband, I am beginning to be a thinker.  To think of the consequences of my choices and statements, and to choose the best for the situation.  Statement Day 3:  It's ALL about choices.

*shrug*  We may be just two, but two is good enough for me.


PS -My perspective of the kitchen....  Well....  I still think the top shelf in the kitchen cabinets is WAY up there!  ;o)

Empowerment

Empowerment.  It's such a powerful word that means so much, and often times we are unaware of when we experience the negative and positive consequences in our lives.   I believe that there are two kinds of empowerment.  There is the kind that makes you a bigger and better version of you, and then there is the kind that works against you.  It pulls from your best qualities, drains you, and works towards making the other person (thing, concept, etc.) bigger and better, thus leaving you to sit quietly in the cornere, the shell of your previous self.  How do we battle these things?  How do we remain "me" when we are daily battered and beaten, and when we once or twice a week experience the healing, and bigger "me" empowerment? 

I'm not sure that I have the answers.  *shrug*  What do we do...avoid these situations?  Ask for support (even though you know that you'll receive very little from those you trust and love)?  Do what you feel you must to achieve the bigger "me" empowerment?  Hmm....  I'm not sure I like that answer either. 

I suppose the answer is similar to what I wrote about yesterday: the power of choice.  So -what do you choose? 

I'm hoping that by choosing the "bigger me" that something will fall into place very simply and similarly like the workings of a well created clock.  I can wish, right?

Welcome to Moodyday...I mean....

Today is Monday.  I dislike Monday's because they signify the end of a much treasured set of blissful days which are sometimes spent with my husband, or sometimes spent crafting, or sometimes spent doing nothing.  I mistrust this day of the week because Mondays have such a bad effect on people.  Sometimes they make us grumpy, or we're sleepy, and not yet ready for the week, and sometimes when we're least expecting it, they make us moody.  That terrible little cluster of negative emotions can only end in one way: bad mood. 

Sure -Monday's can be great!  There's Winter, Spring, and Summer breaks, then there's also the lucky day when you're ill and have to stay in bed.  Monday's don't become GM's (Green Monsters) until the next week because it's such a blissful occasion!  Drat it, though -because it always comes back. Anyway -this isn't my point.  Sure, we can check Monday's off as a , "yep -this day stinks and should be banned", kind of like how the Wizzards don't speak of Voldemordt....  Anyway.  Yeesh!  *sigh*

Despite all of the bad feelings we have for Monday, it's truly not the day of the week that makes our moods turn sour.  It is  our inability to control how we feel about it.  I know this sounds crazy, but think about it: we are in great moods when good things happen to us, and terrible moods when bad things happen.  We are happy when those around us are rejoicing, and are miserable when our companions are so.  Misery loves company, eh? 

It is most unfortunate when some of your companions are constantly miserable.  I have spent most of my life consciously keeping myself from unhealthy situations (I consider misery emotionally unhealthy) because they are...well, UNHEALTHY!  Duh.  But sometimes situations are unavoidable and you find yourself stuck smack dab in the middle of them.  Unlucky is the person who cannot seem to find any solace or escape.  Fortunately for us, there IS an option of resolution, should you choose to take the blue pill (sorry -I had to make a Matrix reference.  Please don't hate me!). 

We, as humans, were given the amazing power of choice!  Sometimes we feel like we have none, but we do.  Every single day we make choices -the conscious and the unconscious, that shape our lives.  So in said unfortunately moody situation, where you feel like your environment is driving you to the wrong polarity (again...sorry, bad psych. joke) and you have no choice, you must decide this.  Do you wish to be happy?  Or do you wish to be miserable (like your company, or your environment, or your situation, etc.)? 

If you choose to be happy, you have the power to control that and to enjoy the happy consequences of that choice.  If you choose, however, to take the road where the sun never shines you must life with the unhappy consequences of that choice as well.  The choices we make create the paths we take (wheeee...a rhyme!).  It's true.  Don't let your circumstances dictate how you feel, and most certainly who you become!

I'm choosing to be happy, are you?  I hope so because if you don't, I'd surely miss you!


Here's my happy thought for today.  Sure it may be a little silly, and slightly creepy, actually...but, enjoy it none the less!


Keep on keepin' on.