Abolishing Labels

As part of my rebranding project, I've finally acknowledged that I carry a lot of self-imposed labels. There are a few that weigh heavily on my heart, and perhaps I'll eventually be able to share them with my future self (and you -whoever is reading this...), but that time is not now. Currently, the heaviest label is "impatient." Now, this doesn't bleed into my business -at least in ways that concern clientele, but it effects every aspect of my personal life. Perhaps it is part of being a musician and expecting perfection, or perhaps it is a product of my desire for everyone to know that I am good at ______. Who knows, but it is a problem.

This week, I've been focusing on simply (ha!) being more patient with myself, and have noticed incredible results in my environment. These things are an increase in kind words spoken to others, projects are completed with satisfaction and much less anxiety, and time with family is spent much more enjoyably. When we consider our lives, we acknowledge that things are interrelated, but never do I realize the extent to which a good deed to oneself can blossom into a bouquet of kindness to whomever you may touch.

Perhaps I will take another week to enjoy patience, or maybe not. But until I am ready to move on, I fully plan on enjoying every ounce of graciousness that comes out of being patient with myself.

Because after all, I am just a human. And that is a wonderful thing to be.

Peace,

The Emergency Fund

Irony is sooo.... awful. Let me explain.

My last post was about a message I re-defined from FPU. Well, this too is a re-defined message from FPU.

TMV travels quite a bit. He's a professional gigging musician, so he essentially lives in his car. And trust me -you'd be able to tell, too. Well, The Space Pod has been such a fantastic car! It's a Subaru and runs like a champ. Until yesterday. When I get a phone call from TMV stating that it was "screaming" at him. Of course my first instinct is to envision the car exploding by the side of the road with him in it. "That only happens in movies," he tells me. Yeah -in movies AND in my imagination. Duh.

Dave spoke quite a lot about Murphy's Law. Of course TMV and I live by Murphy's law (being musicians and all, we feel particularly close to Mr. Murphy...). Most of his references to Murphy referenced cars. That in auto-land, when it rains it pours. Man -did it pour on the poor Space Pod. It poured SO MUCH that it completely depleted our emergency fund.

Now -I will admit that pre-lent stress-monster made an appearance, but it was so temporary that I forgot to even acknowledge her until TMV said, "Babe, thanks so much for being calm for me."

When he said this, I realized that Murphy's Law can be just like any law. It can work against you, but it can also work for you. Choosing to remain calm, or positive, or pro-active (I'm sure you can continue the thought to fulfill your positive choice) means that you receive those positive things in return. Send out good, receive good.

My parents have been saying this for years. I finally believe them.

Because while our emergency fund is completely depleted, my husband is safe and healthy (and not blown up in an imaginary car explosion). And THAT is more than I could ask for.

Thanks Murphy. You're the best.

Peace,

Living Like No One Else

TMV and I just finished taking Financial Peace University, and I can honestly say that it has changed the way we live for the better. Usually when people talk about FPU, they're referring to money. I, however, am not. Well, mostly.

Dave's class teaches us many things, but the message that is swirling in my mind is the desire to "live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else." Of course he means financially. Save now and pay off debt (or don't even go into it...), so that later you can enjoy the life God has given you and GIVE to others. At this point in time, that message means something different to me.

Right now, I need to live like no one else in the sense that I need to be selfish with my time -taking the time I NEED to work on myself and my relationships. Working on the really hard and real parts of myself that trouble me, so that later I can live the life I have prayed for (should that be in God's plan). Maybe this means being able to have a family of 6, or running my business in an ethical and fair way, or tackling the stress that has been running me down. I'm not sure, honestly.

But the message is clear. Take time now so that later, I can leave a legacy of love and devotion for future generations. Two weeks ago, this thought would have raised my stress level from orange to red but at the suggestion of my sister, I am undertaking a "rebranding" project. I am rebranding myself, focusing on all of the wonderful things I already am and working out the kinks of things I don't want to be, or want to work towards. Mostly this just involves positive thinking, but there are times when a well intended interruption causes distress or my patience falls blessedly short. We're all human, but I am working towards the better version of myself. And I think that this is just one single step towards tackling my stress addiction.

Baby steps. Because after all, didn't God design us to crawl before we can run?

Peace,
B.

Lent: Day 1

I promised myself, not to mention that I also promised God,  that I would give up stress for Lent. As a valuable sacrifice to him -a way to make myself more in his likeness or to become a better servant, but also as a sacrifice to myself -the demolition of a disgusting coping crutch. A crutch that causes heart burn, the inability to sleep at night, paralyzer of communication and motivation. Yes -I want to get rid of the nasty thing. And the desire alone has created a deeper sense of awareness, showing me how truly volatile stress is to my body and mind. For example....

Yesterday, I found myself looking at a comprehensive health analysis done by a doc that specializes in restorative health. For years, I've felt awful pretty much every day. Some days it's been emotional, and some days it's been physical. Not surprisingly, the analysis told me I was in pretty bad shape. The surprising news is that I have dairy and gluten allergies, and difficulties processing meat protein leading to the suggestion that I become a vegetarian who occasionally eats chicken. It may not come as a surprise to you to know that I immediately declared that I was dying, being completely overwhelmed by the largesse and gravity of the lifestyle changes that lay before me. Instantaneously, I had a headache and the nasty desire to pick a fight.

You see, the women in my family don't shy away from confrontation...even when there isn't any. Mountains out of mole hills, the lot of us.

But -adversely, these things like headaches and unreasonable aggression aren't side effects of genetics (at least, I don't believe so in my circumstance). They're side effects of stress.

So after a pep talk from the Mommah (read: a failed attempt at being a drama queen), some crying, and some poorly managed coping on my behalf, I had a plan, groceries that won't make me puff up or feel bad, and a new perspective (in which I am Lizzy in P&P and real life is Mr. Darcy...). But -that's a story for a different day.

So on Lent: Day 1, I promise to myself to take action in STOPPING stress.

-xo-