Self Care, take 1

Remember my last post?  About this self care project?  Well, if not -go read it!  It explains a lot!  :)  So since I have to turn this in for a grade (lucky me!), I decided that I should blog it, too!  Just because blogging makes me feel better.  So here is self care journal entry no. 1.

Self-care.  What a concept!  So easy....  Except -it’s not.  I created my menu of self-care things thinking, “I really like these things and they relax me.  They would be perfect for self reflection and introspection.”   No, actually.  I actually tried all of the things on my menu with little self-care success.  Taking a walk was too hot; baking something new (granola bars this week...) went excellently until I opened the oven and was greeted by a face full of black smoke (who knew oatmeal burned like that!)!  Playing my trumpet was the only successful activity in the whole lot until my face became tired from disuse.  

So I was stuck.  Here it was -Wednesday morning and I didn’t have my self-care project completed.  Needless to say I was feeling stressed out.  How is it that I am such a failure at self-care?  My husband would tell you that it’s the “southern woman” complex the women in my family seem to have.  It’s this: if you haven’t done everything you possibly can as perfectly as you possibly can, then you’ve failed.  I realize that this is unrealistic, but southerners are known for their hospitality so the logical conclusion to this would be that currently, I am not a southerner and this rule does not apply to me.  But -I’m also not necessarily a logical person.

As I was leaving to drive to school, I grabbed my camera.  It was on a whim, and my thought was, “I have free time today, maybe I’ll wander and take some fun pictures!”  I hadn’t been all the way around the SMWC campus, so I formulated a plan.  It was time to meet the Alpacas! 

We all hear rumors about spitting and of course biting, but they were actually very friendly and curious.  They thought I brought food, which for anyone, would be a little disappointing, but eventually they left in search of something more tasty.  

After meeting them I made my way over to the stables.  I was sweating and hot, and as I was walking I heard myself say, “this is such a beautiful day.  I’m so glad to be exploring.”  I actually stood still in the middle of the road (not that it was a busy road...but still).  I am not the type of person to be happy while sweating.  Or being hot...or tired, really.  But something about this situation was uplifting.  Perhaps it was the animals, or perhaps I managed to create a calm mental space for myself.  This mental calmness is exceptionally rare and is usually brought on by an eerily quiet environment and nothing to look at.  

The meditative “click” that my camera makes is calming.  It gives me the sense of capturing something living and having it in my memory forever.  My photos may not be perfect or professional and they certainly aren’t perfect (another thing that I seem to constantly strive for in every aspect of my life).  But there is something in them that allows me to remember that quite moment where I am still and uplifted.

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I just finished the shoot for my second self care journal entry that I'll be sharing with you later this week! It's of things in my kitchen!  :)  Hopefully you'll like them as much as I do!



I hope you all are doing wonderfully!

Glass Half Full, 2011

 I realize that I haven't posted this linky party in AGES, so I'm just going to tell you a story with no expectations!  My hopes are to start this up again for uplifting tales for me AND for you, but for today, just enjoy my story, okay?  ;)

My husband and I are living the college life.  *cough cough*  The MARRIED...broke...college student life.  He's been having every sort of imaginable trouble with his program, and is handling it with such amazing Grace and Faith.  I however...have not.  I've been angry, justifiably so, and have been telling him how I feel about the whole thing.  "SOMEONE needs to cut you a break!"  "They OWE you a meeting...you're PAYING them to HELP you...."  Etc.  Get the picture?  There's SO much more to this story, but it's rubbish, and there's no point in flaying that fish right now.  The point is, I've been adamant about SOMEONE giving my husband some bloody help!

All this time, he's been working for every orchestra in the state of Indiana trying to make money for us to pay bills, while also traveling three months out of the year to Pittsburgh to play in the pit for their opera orchestra.  He's been a long term sub there, and very recently someone raised a fuss about him not being on contract.  Our immediate fear was that he was going to lose the job and what those ramifications would be for the rest of his career -teaching AND playing.  A true nail-biter, let me tell ya'.

We were there for New Years Eve.  The Opera has a gala, and so they hired him to play for it.  It was wonderful -singing, dancing, and desserts!  We even got to witness a marriage proposal!!!  So romantic.  This whole time, I'm worrying about his contract and job.  At the end of the gala he tells us (we're with some new friends!!!) that they've offered him a contract, and he'll become a full section player!!!!!!  YAYYYYY!!!  *insert all sorts of happy dances*

It was in this moment that I realized my dear, patient, respectful husband had received his break; and from the least likely place.  His unyielding faith and personal responsibility allowed him to persevere and win himself a job.  A REAL job.  I also realized that I wanted him to have some sort of forward progression so that I could move forward too.  That his door could open my door so we could move forward together.  The good news is that this is now possible.  The bad news is that I need to make peace with all of the bad things that have happened to him on his journey.  The second peace of good news is that this happened to HIM instead of me for a reason.  I'm not sure what that is yet, but I have faith that I'll figure it out.  That's the good thing about believing -you know you don't have the answer...YET.

 Happy Glass Half Full, friends!  I hope you have a Monday full of wonderful things!

Keep on Keepin' on~

2000-What?

 Dear Bloggers,

I write this post with a joyful heart, and with a little guilt too!  It's been since OCTOBER since I last posted, and honestly...I miss you!  I must admit, though, that this post is mostly selfish, so I'll get right to the point.

I titled this post 2000-what?  because 2010 is a year I am not proud of (mostly...).  I started this blog so that I could vent.  I'd lost my whole support system and was (and still am) living in a place I don't consider home.  Well, even though I haven't posted in months, I still consider my blog to be vital to my life, and in many ways, a "home."  I realize that my blog isn't important to you in the same ways it's important to me, BUT, as a fellow blogger and woman (I know there are men in blogland...just most of you are of the female nature...), I know you understand WHY I need this "home."  So....  I was inspired to write this post after meeting new friends for New Years and old friends for a nice long chat.  I am reminded of what my life is to become and what it has been, and I refuse to remind myself of the things I'm leaving behind by choice, or residual icky 2010 baggage.  I'm saying goodbye to 2010, and am thanking it for it's opinion, but...no thanks.

I said goodbye to a bad job.  I said goodbye to friends (some by choice, some not so much...).  I said goodbye to some bad familial relationships.  I said goodbye to the me that let people make me feel bad.  I said goodbye to lots of pride.  I said goodbye to cable tv (BEST choice ever...just sayin').  I also said goodbye to some of my faith (not necessarily by choice...).

PEACE OUT 2010.

This year, I am resolving not to resolve.  I am being honest with myself.  Why make promises to myself that I'm honestly not going to keep?  I am living my life with high goals and NO expectations.  I am loving my family, even if they can't love me back.  I am being a true spouse to my husband (because we all know he WAY deserves it).  And I am not going to be afraid of what I don't know.  God hasn't left me -I just need to remember keep my eyes open for him.


My friends and family lovingly reminded me that it's alright to not know; that it's alright for there to be a question mark in my life.  They reminded me that a past is the past and that a journey requires one step at a time (take a small bite of the elephant; it's not much, but you're still a bite closer...).  My family reminded me of unconditional love and compassion.  My husband shows me what I cannot show myself, and allows me to be what I am -good, the bad, and the ugly (although, according to him...there is no ugly!  HA!!  We'll see how he feels in 20 years....).  The family I work for shows me that life comes in all forms and it doesn't matter if you're not perfect.

Welcome, 2011.  I am embracing you with open arms and a free mind.  Give me your best shot, I dare you.



 Keep on keepin' on~

Once a Month....Glass Half Full!!!

When I started school I honestly thought I'd be blogging MUCH more than this, but I'm totally failing at styaing in touch with you guys and mostly  me!  Once enough on my little piece of space isn't enough, and I'm starting to feel heavy again -too many thoughts, too many feelings, and not enough Joyful people in my life!  SO!  To counteract that, I'll post my Glass half full NEXT WEEK, so start getting your stories ready! 

I have one for you.  *Ahem*  Are you ready?
I am now a full time student.  I am exhausted and we are SO BROKE!  :)  We have lots of love, so that's okay.  So I picked up a part time job to help Michael not feel so squeezed and obligated, thankful though I am.  It's a job where I'm working with children who can't really help themselves and need extra care.  In my interview, it was for a 1:1 position.  Well, I got my job placement and I have THREE children I'm working with.  Two are nonambulatory (Stuck in wheelchairs), all three are nonverbal (don't talk) AND incontinent (use diapers).  So I hang out with them, change diapers, feed them through G-tubes, and shower them.  It's WAY more stressful than I bargained for, but I like it -sort-of.  It's physically exhausting and emotionally challenging working with these kids because they're going to die -soon, in a few years, who knows....but it's coming. 
I was crying about it to my DH -he's really awesome, and you know what he said -"Babe -if you really can't handle it, it's okay.  There's only so much you can do and money is just money.  If you need to quit, that's okay by me.  I just want you to be happy."

*SWOON* 

He's so wonderful!  :)  Needless to say I'm not quitting, but I am thankful for an amazing husband.  I hope everyone is having a stellar Tuesday! 

I'm linking up to my long-lost friend Chantel's





Make sure you come back on Monday for Glass Half Full!  :)

Life's Simple Pleasures!

My husband folded the laundry for me.  Hallelujah!

That's not all, though!  My mum drove the whopping 10.5 hours from Virginia to spend the week with me!  Unfortunately, I'm working every day and was lucky enough to get Tomorrow off to take her to the artist's colony -Nashville, Indiana!


I don't need fancy things (although they do really help cheer me up...not going to lie about that one!), but I will take Joy from the simple pleasures of life.  It's good thing I'm in the mood for honey-do's because my honey has lots TO do!  :o)

Have a great day!

The Consolation Prize

I have been thinking for a couple of weeks (on a very regular basis) how awesome my dear husband is.  Now -before you roll your eyes and claim that I'm going mushy on you again, just hear me out!

Michael left this week for Pittsburgh.  This is the last session until Fall.  I'm really excited about him not leaving again until September.  Really, really happy!  But it's the same storyline every time he leaves to go.  I get sad, he gets excited, and we have our "last date" before his trip.  Usually this is us on the sofa watching Fox News (Don't hate!) and eating pizza.  Actually -he's watching, I'm reading, etc.  I'm sure you get the picture?  Yeah.  This time was a little different in that I had choir rehearsal until 9:30.  I was bummed about not having a real date, but he did take me to Subway (I'm really not that hard to please where food is concerned...) and we had a nice discussion on risk vs. debt.  Yep -that's my man.  A nice romantic dinner at Subway and a thrilling discussion about mortgages and debit.  You can tell that I'm just so pleased!  :)

I came dragging my feet home after choir.  It's exhausting to sing Bach AND Mozart in two types of Latin, and in German!  I had had my language fill for the day.  Michael, of course, was waiting at home, and had saved his packing so that I could visit with him and fall asleep while he packed.  You know -so that we'd be in the same general vicinity.  Again, I hate this time of small transitions.  I lose my husband for 3 weeks, and become an independent woman who enjoys sitting on the sofa, reading until her eyes cross, and tearing things apart and making them pretty.  I was sad he was leaving and he was eager to get to Pittsburgh.  I could tell he felt bad (he always does), leaving me behind to have his adventure, but I smiled and told him I was going to have fun with Saphira (har!  She likes to eat my shoes, and I like to yell at her.  FUN!!!), and that I had tons of stuff planed (this part is true!).

I was about to drift off to my happy place when he disappeared downstairs.  Thinking that was odd, I followed him.  I'm nosey, so even though I was almost asleep, I got out of bed to see what he was doing (again, don't judge!! hehe).  He was getting some water -bummer.  But as I was leaving to go back to my nice electrically heated bed he surprised me!  I was receiving a consolation prize of flowers!! 

This is very exciting because flowers are only for the MOST special of occasions (anniversaries, birthdays, and other important holidays).  Of course, I thought that I had forgotten something, but my sweet husband just shrugged and said, "nothing special, I just love you and wanted you to have something pretty because I love you."  *whistful sigh*

So sure *shrug* -my husband is gone for about 3 weeks, but hey! -I've got a consolation prize that makes our home smell like summer, and reminds me that how wonderful my spouse is.  Who can argue with that?

This is an "OMG!" Moment!

<-This is the love of my life (besides my marvelous husband, of course!) ->

As a small business owner (VERY, VERY, very small, infact...) it is really hard to feel successful.  I have struggled and cried, and spent most of my "start up" funds on advertising and have even begged my husband to let me be a SAHW (Stay at home wife) so that I can make Kindermusik (and Busy B Music and Me) the most important part of my day.  Needless to say that was a bust!  You can't have a SAHW AND a Ph.D student and keep your home or buy groceries!  It is truly impossible (bummer!!!!!).

Through all of this, though I have had lots of rewards!  I have three (as of right now...) beautiful families that take classes that reward me every weekend!  In addition to these rewards, however, I have received another for my hard work and perseverance (a quality that I seem to have in boat loads -ask my husband....)!  I received an e-mail earlier today from a KM educator in Florida.  She creates webinars for KMI (KM international) that get posted online for our continuing education.  She wrote to tell me that she really liked my blog (squee!), and USED IT IN HER WEBINAR!  So, if you don't know what that means, I'll tell you!

THOUSANDS OF KM EDUCATORS WILL SEE MY BLOG!  I'm having an OMG moment here!  *looks for brown paper bag....*  Sure, it may continue being a blog that only you guys read BUT -it could turn into such a butterfly that I can't help but be ecstatic!  It's like JT being found by Tad Williams' wife!  Holy moley!


*CHEERS* to a great reward!

Snowcapades

The Olympics are one of the oldest traditions in the world. The Ancient Greeks started it and they were just so fabulous, we all had to join in. I took a class called Ancient World Studies, Greek art and architecture which was really about the cool buildings they built and the really neat traditions and activities we have collected they participated in, due to the bits and pieces we've found from their culture. Anyway -the point is, I LOVE Ancient Greeks, and I love the Olympics. I am most definitely NOT an Olympic athlete, but I do (not like)participate in strenuous activity. Because of the massive amounts of snow here in Bloomington (ohhhh -12 inches! Yikes!), I've been doing quite a bit of shoveling.

I have to say that the only bit of Joy I got from the whole experience was this:The always happy, always fabulous Saphira!

I hope you are enjoying your days! The week's all downhill from here! :)

Valentines day wrieth -Finally!

Here is the promised post of my adventures making my FIRST crafty project. Now -I've done crafts before, but not completely on my own! The only thing I can really say after this one is -I WILL purchase a cold heat glue gun!

1. Gather materials! Check...


2. Cut and Mod Podge small and oddly shaped bits of festive paper onto cardboard shaped symbol of love! Check....


3. Trim heart and begin hot gluing the back ruffle on. materials of your choosing! -the blog that inspired me to do this used burlap, which was too pricey for me. I used DISCOUNT lace! Yippee!



4. Optional: Create object focal point! I used $1.99 quilting fabric to create this flower and a decorative button for the middle. Once made, hot glue onto DRIED heart!



5. Optional: I ripped some strands of cloth from the remaining flower fabric and used it as an edging to cover up any left over cardboard spots.





Drum roll please....

Finished product!!!


Joy! :o)

Another little project I did were these little guys! Quick and easy! Just how I like it! hehe



I'm sure that one day I will look back at these and find them poorly done and perhaps craftily juvenile, but for now, they serve me well!


Until next time, crafters! :o)

Moving on, growing up....

Today was such a fabulous day, but before I tell you how wonderful it was, I need to soak in a very hot bath!!! I'll fill you in tomorrow!

Here's a teaser photo:

If you're happy and you know it....

I've been spending this past couple of days (since my last post...) thinking about the people in my life and what makes them happy. Then, in turn, thinking about my life and what makes me happy. This whole Peace concept has got my brain churning, and it makes it difficult to sleep, at the most.

No matter how amazed I am at this, it takes me the longest to figure out what it is that makes me happy! I can look at Michael and put my finger down, I can look at some of my family and friends and put my finger down, but nope -not me. I'm spending too much time inside my own mind.

The things that make me happy and bring me Peace are the things I don't think about, and when you're upset they're the last things to pop into your thunderclouded mind. Mine -they're simple, so simple that I don't even remember what they are unless I force myself to remember.

They're simple -not complex, and most extremely lovely. Just like these.... I love giggles. Especially of the baby variety. They're usually short and somewhat grunt like, but they're like the swine flu -really contageous! I love hot tea and the way it clears my mind. Naps -a must for any emotional healing.... I also enjoy cuddles. Not the general kind, but the special kind that warms you up from the inside out, like hot chocolate. The kind where you know that life is moving around you, but it doesn't matter.

I used to believe that everyone needed to experience all emotions at least once a day. Not at the same time, but to be a compassionate human, you need to experience them. Well -maybe and maybe not, but to help me be compassionate, well rounded, and healthy, I have come up with a general list of 8 things that I love. Sure, they're just things, but...I'm just a person.

1. Slurpees
2. Hydrangie flowers
3. Porches
4. White and Navy Tualle
5. Singing
6. Children
7. Tulle
and the newest and most worthy addition...
8. Michael

This is my list...what does yours look like?



"Your melod sounds as sweet as the first time it was sung.... I'm puttin' out the lantern, find your own way home."

~"Folkin' Around" by Panic! At the Disco


PS -my spell check button is gone....