2000-What?

 Dear Bloggers,

I write this post with a joyful heart, and with a little guilt too!  It's been since OCTOBER since I last posted, and honestly...I miss you!  I must admit, though, that this post is mostly selfish, so I'll get right to the point.

I titled this post 2000-what?  because 2010 is a year I am not proud of (mostly...).  I started this blog so that I could vent.  I'd lost my whole support system and was (and still am) living in a place I don't consider home.  Well, even though I haven't posted in months, I still consider my blog to be vital to my life, and in many ways, a "home."  I realize that my blog isn't important to you in the same ways it's important to me, BUT, as a fellow blogger and woman (I know there are men in blogland...just most of you are of the female nature...), I know you understand WHY I need this "home."  So....  I was inspired to write this post after meeting new friends for New Years and old friends for a nice long chat.  I am reminded of what my life is to become and what it has been, and I refuse to remind myself of the things I'm leaving behind by choice, or residual icky 2010 baggage.  I'm saying goodbye to 2010, and am thanking it for it's opinion, but...no thanks.

I said goodbye to a bad job.  I said goodbye to friends (some by choice, some not so much...).  I said goodbye to some bad familial relationships.  I said goodbye to the me that let people make me feel bad.  I said goodbye to lots of pride.  I said goodbye to cable tv (BEST choice ever...just sayin').  I also said goodbye to some of my faith (not necessarily by choice...).

PEACE OUT 2010.

This year, I am resolving not to resolve.  I am being honest with myself.  Why make promises to myself that I'm honestly not going to keep?  I am living my life with high goals and NO expectations.  I am loving my family, even if they can't love me back.  I am being a true spouse to my husband (because we all know he WAY deserves it).  And I am not going to be afraid of what I don't know.  God hasn't left me -I just need to remember keep my eyes open for him.


My friends and family lovingly reminded me that it's alright to not know; that it's alright for there to be a question mark in my life.  They reminded me that a past is the past and that a journey requires one step at a time (take a small bite of the elephant; it's not much, but you're still a bite closer...).  My family reminded me of unconditional love and compassion.  My husband shows me what I cannot show myself, and allows me to be what I am -good, the bad, and the ugly (although, according to him...there is no ugly!  HA!!  We'll see how he feels in 20 years....).  The family I work for shows me that life comes in all forms and it doesn't matter if you're not perfect.

Welcome, 2011.  I am embracing you with open arms and a free mind.  Give me your best shot, I dare you.



 Keep on keepin' on~

{Bad day blues}

Do ya' ever have days where you're just NOT in a good mood?  Where you wake up and you're feeling snarky?  Well that was me today AND THEN I had to weigh myself for my last Win, Lose, or Blog weigh in.  You can read about THAT disaster here. 

Well instead of snarking you all, I'll leave you with something funny to laugh at. 

We have this dog.  Her name is Saphira {but you already know this...}.  Saphira is really sweet and cute, but she gets REALLY excited about going o.u.t.s.i.d.e.  Get my drift?

{Don't you just want to cuddle-rub her??  *sigh*}

Anyway.  We'll take her outside and let her run around -the normal doggie stuff, and when it's time to go back inside, she runs up to the porch -still in a very excited way.  She's usually much faster than we are and we'll be coming around the side of the house just IN TIME to see her run full speed into the door.  I am COMPLETELY serious!  She does.  She thinks that it will open for her or something and runs smack into it every time.  We seriously cry with laughing so hard because then she turns around and looks at us like it's OUR fault she ran full speed into the door.  Ahhh *chuckles*  I LUB my Saphira-snausage!  :)

Wanna hear another?  Oh goodie!

Okay -so do y'all watch SYTYCD?   Well last night there was that weird bed-time pillow dance?  Didja see it, huh huh huh??  Hubs and I were watching it with a group of friends and one of the couples said, "hey!  We TOTALLY do that every night before bed.  We put on our jammies and totally dance with a pillow."

I could NOT stop giggling.  It was so SILLY.  So we got home last night and I asked the hubs if he wanted to do the pillow dance.  Totally a G rated question, right? haha.  He gave me this look.

{*giggle*  It's so funny!  He's so silly!}

I get this a lot from him.  It's his, "Briana is ridiculous but I love her anyway" face.  Seriously -like once or twice a day I get it.  But he's just so DARN handsome that maybe, just maybe I do ridiculous things on purpose.  :)


Okay -good.  I feel better and y'all have had a couple of laughs.  Good.

I hope everyone has a great day!!

xo~

Diet Pepsi, Cigaretts, and Brass Band

I have often wondered if those who have passed on miss us as much as we miss them. As I awoke this morning I believe this to be true without a doubt. My Grandma Winnie always smelled like stale Camels with a hint of Diet Pepsi. And that is what my mouth tasted like as I pounded snooze. Dreaming of a loved one is uplifting and sad at the same time. I miss her, but she gives me some sort of unspoken peace. I'm not sure I can explain it, but today I was brave.

Today I smiled, sang, danced, and conducted my way through the day. I'm not sure I understand what happens while I sleep, but -I'd be okay if she came to visit every now and then, sharing her strength with me.

:o)

Snooze: covered in butter.

Yesterday was an exceptionally long day. It stared off with a smiling Briana, and ended with a smiling Briana. This...this is good news. The bad news is that my Anatomy class is a HUGE BUST! Very disappointing.

The professor really started off on the wrong foot. She was LATE! Professors shouldn't be late to their first class, especially if they expect their students to be EARLY. Bad. Then, her accent prevented me from understanding over half of what she was saying. I'm sorry -but if you expect me to understand, I have to be able to understand you. Again -bad. Next, she had no structure to her lecture, and was the MOST disorganized professor I had ever experienced. So I left. I walked out of her lecture in the middle of what I assumed was a short off chute of a discussion on electrolytes. No matter. Between her talking too fast, the osther students in the class discussing pay checks, children, and the Colts I was quickly reminded of why I hated being in classrooms with students who were not on a mission, like me. If I pay an exorbitant amount of money for a service, I like to enjoy the process. Like my mother and father I like to get it done and move on.

So I decided, as I was crying in the car (and to my very supportive husband) on my way to Chamber Singers rehearsal that I wasn't going to do it. I'm just not. I have too many things in my life that I actually enjoy, that take up HUGE amounts of time, to be stressed out for four hours a week with people who obviously lack respect for learning. Instead of sitting in class for the second hour I spent it singing Bach in German, and Mozart in Latin. This is where I belong.
End discussion on bad professor. Moving on to Peace, a much better and more worthy subject!

So....
Today, Peace is equal to the snooze button on my telephone. I know this is random, but I can't help what I dream! There is nothing like the type of sleep where your body weighs a thousand pounds and is wrapped in balnkets of snuggilyness! The strange part is that I seem to think that it's even better when it's covered in butter?

I was dreaming this morning when my phone went of and I slapped snooze three times. I was dreaming...right?!? Yes -I hope. If not, Saphira will have had a day full of buttery treats! In this state of delirum, I was laying in my bed and everything around me was food and all covered in butter! This may be due to my food obsession, or it could have to do with the fact that Julia Childs once said that everything was better with butter, and because of my food obsession my Id seemed to find it a worthy subject. I'd like to think it was the latter...but there's no telling either way!

So I've spent my whole morning, and some of this afternoon, thinking about butter and dreams, and the grace my snooze button provides. It may be crazy, but it sure makes me smile!

I'll settle for a smile, every now and then. Today, Peace = snooze: covered in butter!


Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)